I've never been that big on looking towards the future. Maybe because of my 6-second attention span, or maybe because of the possibility of seeing something I didn't want to see, but I pretty much try to stay focused on the present tense. That hasn't been the case lately, though.
Sure, you can point to my arriving son and yeah, that'd make anyone look towards the future. Rash decisions that might have been made in the past were cut down when I got married first, then disappear almost completely when there's a child to support along the way. But that's not my concern. Some people freak out about the possibility of being a parent. Me? It doesn't bother me. I've grown into the role. Maybe that's why it takes 9 months to have a kid. It may take me that long to get fully adjusted.
No, this is coming more from my work arrangements. I've been working now steadily since sometime in August, a whole six months or so, give or take. The job has had its ups and downs, like any job, and there have been times I really didn't want to work for them, and times that I was so comfortable that I felt lucky to be working where I was, regardless of pay and future.
Recently, though, things have changed. Without going into specifics (for certain reasons), it's a different work environment. Today was my friend Ken's last day on the job. He starts a new job elsewhere on Monday. While I've heard his reasoning for leaving (good opportunity, better hours, etc), Ken would be the fifth person who has left our company since I've started working there. With something like 15 employees, that's a 33% turnover rate. What seemingly in the past (and when I first started working there) was a family enviroment is changing. No longer do you have the employees that have been here through the growth and have a good working chemistry. You have people coming in and learning on the fly, people that don't necessarily "work well with others", and roles and responsibilities that aren't necessarily taken well. There's not a lot of chemistry there anymore. In fact, one has to dig deep to find it.
Maybe I was blind to problems that were there when I arrived. It's very possible. Two of the beforementioned five left within a month of my hire date. Who knows how the situation was before I got there.
As I sit and write this, chewing on the addictive chemical they put into orange Tic Tacs, I wonder about my future with the company. It's fairly obvious that there's a lot underlying at that company, things that are said for only certain ears to hear or eyes to see. It's not the company that I saw in August. It seems that every step and every action is under a watchful eye.
Which brings me back to Ken. Talking to him several months ago, I talked to him about working for the company. I was enthusiastic about working for the company, and getting comfortable there finally, after some serious growing pains. I mentioned something about putting away my resume, and Ken said something to the extent of "you never stop looking."
Maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe I did, actually, moreso than the rest of the company. I'll miss Ken, but I will keep in touch with him. But as much as I'll miss him though, the company is going to miss him a hell of a lot more.
I don't think they know it yet, though.
